[ John's still just grateful that Peter had someone who could be there with him when John couldn't during all that. ]
whatever's happening with you or might happen with you, it's not worth putting off being happy now. not worth that trade-off.
[ Take it from someone who did a trade-off that was no good once upon a time. It's a hell of a thing for someone to have to worry about, especially a kid. ]
whatever happens later is for then, yeah? right now you're here and so's she. don't waste that.
[ There's a long pause, Peter having to actually take a few moments. It... means a lot to hear, affects him deeply. Through all of the fear and worry and difficulties, he wants the happiness Luna makes him feel. Someone telling him that it's okay to want that.... to hang onto it? It means a lot. ]
I don't want to waste it, or ruin it with worrying I guess I'm still afraid sometimes I'm going to hurt her? You know? Even if she's a witch and can... heal and stuff I don't want to hurt her
[ ...And he still could. Memories of his own broken nose, the horrible pain it involved... The demon could smash someone else's face like that in a second. Or other things. It's a horrible image, a.... constant knowledge that something very potentially dangerous lives inside of him. Sometimes he still thinks getting close to Luna emotionally, physically... is dangerous.
There's another pause as he... thinks of something. Something he's not sure how to ask. But John had mentioned being possessed.... more than once. So after a moment, Peter just does it. Asks. Getting Adult Help when you're hosting a demon means sometimes this shit comes with the territory, clearly. ]
Did you ever hurt someone you care about? In the times you were possessed?
then think of it like this: no matter what happens she knows what she's getting into. she knows what could happen and she's still here. for you. that sort of thing doesn't come along often, old son.
[ When he was first possessed it was outside of this place and very different. He had invited the bastard in to save his own life when he was dying from a gunshot wound. ]
i put the people i care about through hell because i relied on a demon to save my life when i was dying. one of those people was my first love.
I know you're right She's such an incredible person and she's done so much for me I know I'm really lucky to have her
[ He does; he doesn't want to diminish that with his worries. There's still so much that's.... so difficult, so scary, and things he wishes he could change, but Luna had said it once — they wouldn't be who they are now if things were different. There's some terrible irony in it, but it's.. because of those scary things that they're so close. Peter's worries just rear up often, like waves crashing against the shore. And all of this... demons, possession, they're not part of his normal reality; he's still so new to all of it.
That next bit, though.... Peter just sits there for another long moment, taking that in. This, this is a reminder that things like this are John's normal reality, and there's a heavy soberness in Peter. ]
I'm sorry What happened to them? Your first love?
But if you don't want to talk about it, it's okay
[ It's... deeply personal, after all. Because it's obvious that whatever happened, this person and John aren't together anymore. "First love" insinuates there were others to come after. Insinuates an ending. But this is kind of.... part of that whole Teenage Talk he's sorely lacking experience in. He'd never gotten to hear his parents talk about their first loves or anything like that. ]
well, knowing is half the battle or so they say. try telling her that, see where it leads you both.
[ His worries are valid, though. Teens have enough to contend with outside of worrying over demonic possession and barmy cults. It's hard to find a life preserver in all that, but he seems to be doing just fine. It reminds him a lot of he and Annie when they were that age. ]
don't have to apologize. she was with me during a seance that ended badly. i was young and stupid and thought far too highly of myself.
some things went wrong, really wrong and she told me she'd kill me if she ever saw me again. nearly did, too, but for other reasons.
[ It is incredibly personal. But if John can share one sordid piece of his life and all it's ugliness and hopefully keep Peter from making a mistake like it then---well. Then it's bloody worth it. ]
Actually.... I did tell her how lucky I am to have her A little while back
[ It's a memory that feels like warm hot chocolate on a chilly autumn night, and tentative fingers on skin, and a chaste, first kiss. Peter hesitates, shy all over again, before he shares that part of it too. ]
It made her really happy She kissed me It was our first kiss ever
[ Both with each other, but also with anyone. He's quietly proud to tell someone. Though... what John shares next is incredibly sad and Peter's just sitting there for a moment or two. He won't claim to understand the extent of what John does or how, but it still feels familiar to him in its way. Supernatural, seances, demons. Peter's barely just seen those things in his young life and he only wants to hide away from them. He's lost.... everything because of those dark things: lost his family, his home. Himself. Sounds like John's lost a hell of a lot, too. So why does he... do it? The boy has to wonder, though it's a heaviness in his chest to. ]
The kind of stuff you do It's so scary It
sounds like it can cost so much [ Maybe too much. ]
[ He's just about to ask how that went for him when he sees the next text. There's a warm feeling that blossoms out in his chest when he reads it. Good for Peter and Luna both.]
you never forget the first one.
[ Not even John, for all of the awful things he's come across in the times before and since. He still remembers skirting around Annie, more shy than anyone now has ever seen him. All that bluster he would have later on in life then a mess of teenage nerves. Most people party to his life would probably say that he is, in a word: tragic. Of course the mage would just as soon shrug it off, but he knows the sorrow that lingers around him like grey skies. ]
because it's what i'm good at. because someone has to.
there's always a price to it. everybody wants to have a go at me cause i do things most consider unsavory at the very least but don't want to admit it needs doing. i'm an easy mark to hate.
makes them feel better about turning a blind eye to it.
It was definitely memorable, especially since I uh kind of cried A lot of people probably can't claim that for their first kiss
[ It's...... slightly embarrassing to admit.... but also kind of nice, too?? He's.. still learning how to Actually Share Things, and even though he's cringing at himself, there's a weird warmth in him, too. ]
Some people hate you because of what you do? But you.... help people
[ He's never once thought that John would be someone worth directing anger and hate towards. The man deals with the most terrifying things Peter's ever encountered. If anything, he's sorry that John has to. ]
I'd probably have lost my mind if I didn't have you helping me Someone who knows what the fuck he's doing, because I sure don't
then it'd probably surprise you to know that i was a mess of nerves after mine? couldn't stop trembling.
[ Not a memory he digs into much, if often at all. John doesn't share a lot, normally. Or if he does it's idle chatter. Nothing too solid or real. No way to get too close to him. This place is changing that. ]
but it comes with a price. a cost that most people aren't willing to pay.
[ It's moments like these that make him feel a little better about his useless heart and all. It's also moments like these that make him question how long a thing like this will last before it crumbles in his hands. ]
i'm glad i can help.
[ He doesn't know what he can really do to fix this, though. That thought terrifies him. Yes, he's connected to both Peter and Paimon now but---the idea of losing one or both? It's unsettling for sure.
And in his world he already knows how this sort of thing ends. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
whatever's happening with you or might happen with you, it's not worth putting off being happy now. not worth that trade-off.
[ Take it from someone who did a trade-off that was no good once upon a time. It's a hell of a thing for someone to have to worry about, especially a kid. ]
whatever happens later is for then, yeah? right now you're here and so's she. don't waste that.
no subject
I don't want to waste it, or ruin it with worrying
I guess I'm still afraid sometimes I'm going to hurt her?
You know?
Even if she's a witch and can... heal and stuff
I don't want to hurt her
[ ...And he still could. Memories of his own broken nose, the horrible pain it involved... The demon could smash someone else's face like that in a second. Or other things. It's a horrible image, a.... constant knowledge that something very potentially dangerous lives inside of him. Sometimes he still thinks getting close to Luna emotionally, physically... is dangerous.
There's another pause as he... thinks of something. Something he's not sure how to ask. But John had mentioned being possessed.... more than once. So after a moment, Peter just does it. Asks. Getting Adult Help when you're hosting a demon means sometimes this shit comes with the territory, clearly. ]
Did you ever
hurt someone you care about?
In the times you were possessed?
no subject
no matter what happens she knows what she's getting into. she knows what could happen and she's still here.
for you.
that sort of thing doesn't come along often, old son.
[ When he was first possessed it was outside of this place and very different. He had invited the bastard in to save his own life when he was dying from a gunshot wound. ]
i put the people i care about through hell because i relied on a demon to save my life when i was dying.
one of those people was my first love.
no subject
She's such an incredible person
and she's done so much for me
I know I'm really lucky to have her
[ He does; he doesn't want to diminish that with his worries. There's still so much that's.... so difficult, so scary, and things he wishes he could change, but Luna had said it once — they wouldn't be who they are now if things were different. There's some terrible irony in it, but it's.. because of those scary things that they're so close. Peter's worries just rear up often, like waves crashing against the shore. And all of this... demons, possession, they're not part of his normal reality; he's still so new to all of it.
That next bit, though.... Peter just sits there for another long moment, taking that in. This, this is a reminder that things like this are John's normal reality, and there's a heavy soberness in Peter. ]
I'm sorry
What happened to them? Your first love?
But if you don't want to talk about it, it's okay
[ It's... deeply personal, after all. Because it's obvious that whatever happened, this person and John aren't together anymore. "First love" insinuates there were others to come after. Insinuates an ending. But this is kind of.... part of that whole Teenage Talk he's sorely lacking experience in. He'd never gotten to hear his parents talk about their first loves or anything like that. ]
no subject
try telling her that, see where it leads you both.
[ His worries are valid, though. Teens have enough to contend with outside of worrying over demonic possession and barmy cults. It's hard to find a life preserver in all that, but he seems to be doing just fine. It reminds him a lot of he and Annie when they were that age. ]
don't have to apologize.
she was with me during a seance that ended badly. i was young and stupid and thought far too highly of myself.
some things went wrong, really wrong and she told me she'd kill me if she ever saw me again.
nearly did, too, but for other reasons.
[ It is incredibly personal. But if John can share one sordid piece of his life and all it's ugliness and hopefully keep Peter from making a mistake like it then---well. Then it's bloody worth it. ]
no subject
A little while back
[ It's a memory that feels like warm hot chocolate on a chilly autumn night, and tentative fingers on skin, and a chaste, first kiss. Peter hesitates, shy all over again, before he shares that part of it too. ]
It made her really happy
She kissed me
It was our first kiss ever
[ Both with each other, but also with anyone. He's quietly proud to tell someone. Though... what John shares next is incredibly sad and Peter's just sitting there for a moment or two. He won't claim to understand the extent of what John does or how, but it still feels familiar to him in its way. Supernatural, seances, demons. Peter's barely just seen those things in his young life and he only wants to hide away from them. He's lost.... everything because of those dark things: lost his family, his home. Himself. Sounds like John's lost a hell of a lot, too. So why does he... do it? The boy has to wonder, though it's a heaviness in his chest to. ]
The kind of stuff you do
It's so scary
It
sounds like it can cost so much [ Maybe too much. ]
Why do you do it?
no subject
you never forget the first one.
[ Not even John, for all of the awful things he's come across in the times before and since. He still remembers skirting around Annie, more shy than anyone now has ever seen him. All that bluster he would have later on in life then a mess of teenage nerves. Most people party to his life would probably say that he is, in a word: tragic. Of course the mage would just as soon shrug it off, but he knows the sorrow that lingers around him like grey skies. ]
because it's what i'm good at.
because someone has to.
there's always a price to it. everybody wants to have a go at me cause i do things most consider unsavory at the very least but don't want to admit it needs doing. i'm an easy mark to hate.
makes them feel better about turning a blind eye to it.
no subject
kind of cried
A lot of people probably can't claim that for their first kiss
[ It's...... slightly embarrassing to admit.... but also kind of nice, too?? He's.. still learning how to Actually Share Things, and even though he's cringing at himself, there's a weird warmth in him, too. ]
Some people hate you because of what you do?
But you.... help people
[ He's never once thought that John would be someone worth directing anger and hate towards. The man deals with the most terrifying things Peter's ever encountered. If anything, he's sorry that John has to. ]
I'd probably have lost my mind if I didn't have you helping me
Someone who knows what the fuck he's doing, because I sure don't
no subject
[ Not a memory he digs into much, if often at all. John doesn't share a lot, normally. Or if he does it's idle chatter. Nothing too solid or real. No way to get too close to him. This place is changing that. ]
but it comes with a price. a cost that most people aren't willing to pay.
[ It's moments like these that make him feel a little better about his useless heart and all. It's also moments like these that make him question how long a thing like this will last before it crumbles in his hands. ]
i'm glad i can help.
[ He doesn't know what he can really do to fix this, though. That thought terrifies him. Yes, he's connected to both Peter and Paimon now but---the idea of losing one or both? It's unsettling for sure.
And in his world he already knows how this sort of thing ends. ]