It's not always as easy as saying. Sometimes its in looks, gestures, the feelings attached to it. He's told me a lot within reason. Some I suppose he figures isn't his to give away but mine to find out.
[ He considers himself lucky, after everything, that even the ghost of Jack Murdock wants him hanging about. He knows Matt's life is dangerous, but folding John Constantine into the mix? That's a whole other level of it. ]
All good things, Matt. All right things. Talking him up for it or not, at the end of the day? It was his choice to do what he did. His, you hear me?
[ A sigh and then. ] My arm, come on, take it. You and me, we're going for a walk somewhere. Can't have you giving yourself away. Come on.
[ Once he takes his arm, John starts off. Eventually, the other man might recognize they are going towards the old gym his father trained at. ]
[The whole wave of emotion is crashing over on Matt's head. The past and those years of isolation and loneliness, he was trying to find his way in the world at St. Agnes. Anger was there, and it burned brighter and kept him warm. The chill of guilt and more had been repressed.
Matt was having his way with John's feelings and this--this is the combination move that's got him on the ropes.]
Good things. [Repeating it doesn't mean he believes it, he sniffs and scrunches his face. A grown man blubbering like this, he can't bring himself to care too deeply.]
John--[Matt's voice is a croak. He wants to say that truly his life was a burden to Jack. He could have moved on one way or the other. There was no way for him to really thrive if he had a disabled son, the sort of fatalistic, self depreciating things absorbed by the talk that heightened senses gave him. Youth and sensitivity didn't allow him to share what he heard.
He hears the familiar swinging sign up the street.]
[ Old Johnny boy knows all about the things that one says and yet refuses to believe. He was there to hear Zed telling him that his mum's death wasn't his fault. Something he's not liable to believe unless he gets it from her straightaway. Even then, he might not.
He's had more telling him things in an awful way than anything else. ]
S'what I said, mate. [ Firm and insistent. ] Pretty sure you know where we're at already.
[Inside every grown man and woman are the little children confused and hurt by what has happened. Matt's walls are in shambles. John already had his ways in, he slipped on in with ease no matter how he tried to tell himself that the magician would just come and go as he pleased. He still had thought that there were ways to guard himself. Blows like this, he's on the ropes emotionally and not fighting the way they slip down the alley.]
Maybe this isn't a good idea.
[His voice sounds choked, strained and barely able to cope with what's coming up over his head.]
I just--[Can't stand to be wrong in these long held beliefs that he's been carrying? That he could have been in a state of calm and comfort? The words don't come out. And here they are, the back door of Fogwell's. He already knows that John just has a way of getting in one way or the other so it does no good to insist that it's locked up and they best turn tail.]
My mother left us. Both of us. A grown man and a baby---
[The inference is obvious, backing up what he had said earlier. And in this moment he doesn't' think about how Jack Murdock and Matt were a distorted parallel to a young boy from Liverpool.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ He considers himself lucky, after everything, that even the ghost of Jack Murdock wants him hanging about. He knows Matt's life is dangerous, but folding John Constantine into the mix? That's a whole other level of it. ]
All good things, Matt. All right things. Talking him up for it or not, at the end of the day? It was his choice to do what he did. His, you hear me?
[ A sigh and then. ] My arm, come on, take it. You and me, we're going for a walk somewhere. Can't have you giving yourself away. Come on.
[ Once he takes his arm, John starts off. Eventually, the other man might recognize they are going towards the old gym his father trained at. ]
no subject
Matt was having his way with John's feelings and this--this is the combination move that's got him on the ropes.]
Good things. [Repeating it doesn't mean he believes it, he sniffs and scrunches his face. A grown man blubbering like this, he can't bring himself to care too deeply.]
John--[Matt's voice is a croak. He wants to say that truly his life was a burden to Jack. He could have moved on one way or the other. There was no way for him to really thrive if he had a disabled son, the sort of fatalistic, self depreciating things absorbed by the talk that heightened senses gave him. Youth and sensitivity didn't allow him to share what he heard.
He hears the familiar swinging sign up the street.]
no subject
He's had more telling him things in an awful way than anything else. ]
S'what I said, mate. [ Firm and insistent. ] Pretty sure you know where we're at already.
Have to go around to the side door to get in.
no subject
Maybe this isn't a good idea.
[His voice sounds choked, strained and barely able to cope with what's coming up over his head.]
I just--[Can't stand to be wrong in these long held beliefs that he's been carrying? That he could have been in a state of calm and comfort? The words don't come out. And here they are, the back door of Fogwell's. He already knows that John just has a way of getting in one way or the other so it does no good to insist that it's locked up and they best turn tail.]
My mother left us. Both of us. A grown man and a baby---
[The inference is obvious, backing up what he had said earlier. And in this moment he doesn't' think about how Jack Murdock and Matt were a distorted parallel to a young boy from Liverpool.]