That's--yeah. [And he laughs as much as his energy level allows him.] It is exhausting. I don't know what else to do. I started playing along because I was afraid they'd take me away. I was ten and all the family my father had and right back. So I...just kept it to myself. It got worse after he died.

[Circulating the ball and socket, gently. No force this time just letting John's arm remember how to move, over around and across his chest.]

I thought maybe, somehow, it was a gift or a quest. [His brow knits and he wouldn't say this if he didn't trust this man.] ...I felt like God had a plan for me.