[ Senses have a funny way with people's heads. He can still smell the slaughterhouse Nergal reeked of. He and Ritchie had fought the hardest out of all of them. Gary had hidden away. Annie had prayed (first time he'd ever known her to do anything like it) for all the good it did any of them. Judith he'd lost track of during it all but he thinks he remembers her screaming as well. He and Ritchie had been frozen in place, totally unable to do anything but watch in horror.

John had set his will against that bastard's power and managed to break through. For moments, precious seconds, he had Astra in his arms while hellfire licked at the both of them. Then that bastard Nergal had drug her away from him and they were helpless to do nothing but watch him tear her apart in front of them. ]

Nergal. Nergal killed her. [ He's used to Matt watching him but in the moment he can't do anything but look down. Away. It's too much. That guilt had him put himself in Ravenscar for all the good it did him. His eyes water and he doesn't try to stop it. ] Right in front of us and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

She was an innocent. So---when myself and the others die? We've only got one place we can go.

Doesn't matter that I was a stupid kid in over my head. Doesn't matter that she was just trying to stop what her father was doing to her. If I'd---if I'd known before she reached out to something she didn't understand I could've---

[ He nearly loses it but he drags in a sharp breath and coughs, despite the protest of his ribs. Get it together. You look like an idiot. ]